Categories
Change Counseling Love and Romance Psychology Relationships

On Being The Best Valentine Ever

Ah Valentine’s Day is almost upon us! You know it’s Valentine’s Day when every business tries to connect the concept of Love with their product or service. I’m still waiting for it: “Acme Plumbing celebrates your Valentine’s Day sweetheart. Purchase your V-day meal at Mikey’s Burger Barn, and get a discount on any plumbing service the following day.”

Here’s a little NSFW humor around love that could have been worked into a V-day theme:

Categories
Aggression Change Client-centered Therapy Counseling How to Love and Romance Psychology Relationships Therapy

The Anatomy of An Argument

Fighting More Effectively in Your Relationship

As a woman, the only time I’ve ever heard a man say to me, “We need to talk about this,” has been when I had a male boss asking me to come into his office for some pow-wow time over an activity I did right or wrong.  From my personal backstory, I have a tendency to assume that my boss wanted to point out something I did wrong. Never did I believe for a moment that he wished to unload his  fears or share his concerns about the stress of his role or his emotional mindset. “No news is good news” was applied truth, and I became familiar with the world of wishing to hear nothing at all versus cringing over the fear of being reprimanded or embarrassed over my mistakes.

On the other side of that equation, I believe men have heard this statement quite frequently from their partners, and their feelings of shame are magnified times a hundred in comparison to mine. I feel for the man hanging an imaginary tail between his legs as he slinks towards his wife (or his husband) and hears what he perceives to be a long list of his shortcomings, failures, and mistakes. What’s worse is that after that scenario ends, the partner who has just unloaded his or her feelings often says, “I feel better, now that we’ve talked!” while the receiving partner feels like his head and heart just got treated like a garbage disposal. How do you avoid such a situation? My suggestion involves two steps: understand the anatomy of an argument before it blows up, and move the tension towards connecting.

In this blogpost, I’m focusing on the first half: understanding the anatomy of an argument. In the next blogpost, I’ll show you a few effective ways to move your understanding into connecting dialogue when the time is right. Before I get into the anatomy of an argument, let me introduce a rather revolutionary thought.

Categories
Counseling Love and Romance Psychology Relationships Sex Therapy

The Key To Getting the Sex You Want

by B. Imei Hsu, BSN-RN, MAC-LMHC, Artist

Can you really learn how to get the sex you want (assuming you have some room for improvement), rather than rely on luck, time, or a miracle? And if you can learn, what can the therapists at Seattle Direct Counseling help you with in your learning process? What is the key to getting the sex you want? I think the key is negotiation, and with that key comes as much danger as there is opportunity. To explore negotiation, I’ve taken on a popular topic that unless you’ve been on a desert island for the past year, you’ve heard something about.

A Little Caveat

If you are in a committed relationship of any kind, getting the sex you want sounds reasonable compared to someone who is not in a committed relationship. It makes sense that at least some part of a committed relationship assumes that there is a sexual connection between the partners. But like everything that seems to have a rosy side, a committed relationship is no guarantee of the best mind-blowing sex you’ve ever had. Even if you had access to an agreeable partner(s) who willingly and frequently offered you sex, it may not be the sex you truly want.  And for those who are not in a committed relationship, perhaps you can quietly admit that just because you find someone to be with does not translate into getting what you want out of a sexual encounter. It’s just not that simple unless you like relying on dumb luck.