Tag: emotional intelligence

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Emotional Intelligence Psychology Romance

On Mind Reading

Mind Reading Expectations can be toxic to your relationship. Find out how you can hack your fairytale and drop the MRE's.
Mind Reading Expectations can be toxic to your relationship. Find out how you can hack your fairytale and drop the MRE’s.

Mind Reading, Expectations, Emotional Intelligence, Valentine’s Day

Given that I don’t watch much television (“any” turned into “much” once I started watching “Downton Abby”), I find watching commercials a rare event in my life. Other than the carefully crafted and clever Super Bowl commercials, I find myself doing a lot to avoid advertisements selling me the latest and greatest.

I especially find Valentine’s Day advertisements annoying. Why? Because many of them focus on just a handful of clichéd themes surrounding the nature of romance. Usually, there is  an engendered story: man needs to buy his wife a gift to show that he loves her, and he feels pressured to pick just the right thing without being told what might make her happy. Get it right, and she’s happy and over the moon! Get it wrong, and he’s in the doghouse for days to come. 

What are we really seeing here? It’s the management of expectations, specifically around that of mind reading, called Mind Reading Expectations, or MRE. The man is supposed to know what the woman wants without her having to tell him, a sort of, “Where’s the fun in that?” mixed with, “He should know me by now.”

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Change Counseling Emotional Intelligence eTherapy Google Glass Psychology Technology

Rules on Learning New Skills

Learning a New Skill by B. Imei Hsu

It happens without fail. A new client plops down on the couch in my office, then launches into a story of challenge, frustration, disappointment, and loss. After a few sessions, the dialogue of story begins to encroach on the arena of new skill acquisition, usually in an attempt to move towards problem solving, and when it does, I tread lightly. Who am I to add to already busy and stressed out people the dedicated hours it takes to learn a new skill? Yet, I always do. And sometimes, it’s daunting.

How long does it take to learn a new skill? The answer may surprise you. Photo credit Imei Hsu.
How long does it take to learn a new skill? The answer may surprise you. I received this Montblanc pen as a gift after finishing my first eBook (available on iTunes).                  Photo credit Imei Hsu.

Simply put,  there often is no workaround. A person must press into an unknown experience in order to learn a skill that moves him from a place of feeling stuck to a place offering the possibility of growth and renewal. You can’t pay someone to do the work for you, and if you don’t learn the new skill, you may lose money, a business, a friendship, or in some cases, a loving connection with a spouse, partner, or child. It’s either change or die.

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